empty nest

today is the first day in 33 years that i don't have a child to take care of.

of course i still have children, and they still need care,

 but i am not shopping, cooking and cleaning for them.

i am not taking them anywhere, or hanging their clothes to dry.  

i am not finding any surprises they have left in my absence.

everything is exactly as i left it.

i have fantasized about this day since probably

the first week of emma's life.

that someday i wouldn't be responsible for everything.

that i could "do what i wanted".

well, hello day; here you are.

what have i done with my day so far?

 i got up and went into frances's bed

and looked out the window for awhile.

i practiced my yoga in complete silence.

i ate breakfast alone

with no reason to turn the radio down.

i worked.  i made lunch.

i started a grocery list for one.  i called my mother.

i have ambitious mental lists of all the productive things

i will accomplish in my free evenings.

photo albums, baby clothes to knit,

bookshelves to have built, so many books to read.

i could end up working late 7 days a week

and living on canned beans over lettuce

which has been known to happen.

right now i am just listening to 

the silence of one, plus

an old rabbit who is sneezing.